ikot-ikot semut berapi

budak buncitt punyer belog

My photo
kuala terengganu, bandar seri begawan brunei, Brunei
bella mierra . nineteen . tinggi . comell . mata sepet . ramping . makan banyak . pelik . suka nangis . manja . sewel . gilerr . senget .

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm not really me RECENTLY.

I knew this is sound dull and crap. But swear to said, I don't know why I cried.I don't miss my ex and I'm not in love with anyone but I cried non-stop. Recently too much things that I'm thinking about. I do need shoulder for sometimes, but I don't have one. I knew, I had soulmate and bestfriend but I don't know why can't I share things with them. Something happened on my past thought me or I don't know maybe I'm in traumatic situation. I'm hardly to trust anyone right now. I'm scared when I share things, again I'm gonna face things like they told to anyone else or they talk behind me or maybe they felt messy with me but just pretending to listen. I miss my soulmate and I miss my bestfriends too. But I'm just scared that I will mess them or put on burden. All this while, I did pretend to laugh and hyper just to cover up my pain and sadness. I do admit that, I did those sincerely but it just can last for awhile. I did cried every night when going to sleep. Only that I think I can do to release from those. I did pray to God to make my life little bit more easier than this and stay me out from those fake friends. But, I guess maybe God love me and that is why God put me on test and never make me forget about Him. Sometimes, I'm thinking to had a boyfriend so that I can share my problems and my happiness together. But, I'm too scared for that because no one yet can prove me that man are different and still exist on this earth that have a man who can see my good behind of my badness that I'm set it on purpose to show. Who can except my good and my weakness. Someone who can change me to be much better and someone who can take care of me and I can put my trust on. But this is fairytale, there's no such thing exist as those. Yes, I'm scared to be in love again. And swear I don't need it now and I don't want it AT ALL. I'm trying to change my attitude, I don't want to play people heart again. And that is what making me to stay single. I don't want those " cinta monyet " anymore. I have to think matured, there's nothing worth it with wasting my love with many guys while I can't enjoy the feeling of truly in love. I knew this is sounds like cheesy, but people. My blog is public and it's a choice. You can read it or just to ignore it. Well, I wanted to take this chances too. People, please stop talking about me. Spreading rumors about me, and please stop hating me because of a guy. I'm not desperate for those, if you think I'm taking yours. So then face me up and you just can take back yours and walk away from me. You look cheap when hate another woman because of a guy. I admit that, before I did that but you know what? At the end, I am closed and be a friends to them. So, yes the point is. I'm not a person who desperate for a guy, because for me they are just a burden. Sorry to say this, it's only my opinion. But the main thing I wanted to say is, PLEASE stop talking about me or spreading rumors about me. I don't like it, and I'm prefer that no one knowing about me so just let me free with my own world because I guess I never disturb anyone life. Again, stop being a busybody :)

No comments:

Post a Comment